there’s No Such thing as "You Made your Bed, currently Lie in It"

you don't need to be grounding in the past.

post January 4, 2017 | the review by Abigail Fagan


For many world raised in abusive, neglectful, or dysfunctional families, the post "you made her bed, currently lie in it" is a common life ideology taught and advocated throughout childhood.

You are watching: You make the bed you lie in

It’s a message frequently passed down from one generation to the next, specifically when there was prior victimization or helplessness. This attitude gets normalized and subsequent generations stop challenging its legitimacy. Instead, the id is that there are minimal choices in life and also once castle made, you’re stuck with them. Also worse, there is the belief that leaving an old “bed” looking for a better one is irresponsible, selfish, or immature.

Limiting your options is a powerful and terrible mantra due to the fact that it discounts countless of the basic rights girlfriend possess as a person being. Those rights incorporate reevaluating her choices and decisions in life, transforming your mind and your course of activity to match ongoing or changing circumstances. The essential decisions you made constantly occurred in ~ a details life context:

Maybe friend felt pressured to accommodate various other people.Or possibly you to be unconsciously replaying what was modeled and also normalized for you in childhood.

The fact is, the personal, academic, and professional decisions that met your needs 5, 10, or two decades ago may be fully irrelevant to your life today. Presently, your eyes might be opened up in means like never before. Probably you"ve tapped into a creative, curious, or adventurous part of yourself that wasn’t easily accessible in the past; and also that new part has really different needs and desires. Maybe you"ve just outgrown those selections previously make that once served friend well. Probably you’ve come to realize the you deserve more or deserve to be cure with higher love and also respect. The bottom heat is you need to never be permanently stuck with a choice that operated in the past however is no much longer useful, relevant, productive, or for sure in the present.

You deserve to leave that “bed” and also discover a new one the truly mirrors who you are and also what you at this time need and also desire. This is particularly important when you made those prior decision under push or stress. Or you find that you‘ve actually been lying on a harmful “bed of nails.” The brand-new year is a organic time because that inward reflection, re-evaluating decisions and choices, and allowing yourself to decision if lock still work for you or if it’s time to do something different.

Anyone who insists the you must forever remain with your original selections is asking you to stay frozen in time. They may push the idea because it meets their own personal agenda or requirements without considering the affect that it’s having actually on you and your life. People can be fast to weigh in, also when girlfriend haven’t asked for their opinion. They’ll provide you advice around what lock think is in your ideal interests. They might make sweeping statements and judgments about your life even when lock don’t know the totality story. They can be the end of touch through your present needs and also feelings or the toy fee your selections take on her physical, emotional, spiritual, and also mental health.

It’s so crucial for girlfriend to to trust your very own instincts and inner wisdom. A true authorize of an ever-evolving human is one who can look back and identify the numerous “beds” they acquired to shot out, live in for a time, and then move on from. Hopefully, friend will adopt the idea the this is the healthiest and also most productive means to live her life!

Share v us a time once you were able come let go of the belief that “you made your bed, now lie in it.”

Adapted from “Finding your Ruby Slippers: Transformative Life Lessons indigenous the Therapist’s Couch," by Lisa Ferentz, LCSW-C, DAPA.

See more: Translate I Love My Grandma In Spanish, 9 Ways To Say Grandma In Spanish

Lisa Ferentz, LCSW-C, DAPA, is a clinical society worker, psychotherapist, and also the founder of the academy for advanced Psychotherapy Training and Education.




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