The an excellent Lakes Glee Cub offers an impromptu routine of Christmas carol in front of Tribune Tower ~ above Dec. 15, 1946. (Chicago Tribune historic photo)

If you are on the net long enough, over there comes a year as soon as you will certainly be forced to location something. Now it is mine time. So ns am acquisition the liberty of going through the 100 vacation songs gift foisted upon us everywhere and ranking them from Most particularly Heinous to Best. This is probably a great idea, and also I feeling fit and confident! i bet this will be one easy, pleasant process. Ns amazed ns haven’t already compiled numerous lists as with this!


100. “Little Drummer Boy.” My hate for this tune is well-documented. Ns think it is because the song takes approximately 18 years to sing and also does not rhyme. The ide of the tune is bad. The execution the the song is bad. Over there is not also an actual north in the dang song, over there is just someone saying PA-RUM-PA-PUM-PUM, which, frankly, is no a great onomatopoeia and also probably is an humiliation to those fluent in Drum. Naught will settle it, even the application of David Bowie to it. Every year human being say, “Have girlfriend heard David Bowie’s version?” Yes. Yes, ns have. That is quiet an abomination.

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99. “Do you Hear What i Hear?” A far better name for this tune would be “I i think You cannot Hear Anything ns Am Saying and so ns Am Going to Repeat all the words Twice.” The problem with this track is the trouble that arises any type of time friend are forced to repeat something friend said due to the fact that someone no hear that properly: namely, that you didn’t phrase the thing an extremely well in the first place. “WITH A VOICE AS huge AS THE SEA.” What? “WITH A VOICE AS large AS THE SEA,” you shout, regretting the you ever before thought it to be a an excellent idea to introduce a simile here.


98. “Santa Baby.” The panicky Michael Buble variation that addresses Santa together “buddy” and also “pally” and, even much more confusingly, “poppy” has been richly and correctly mocked. But here is my bone come pick v the original, especially in 2018: Santa’s whole concept, as much as I have the right to understand it, is that he will offer you amazing, wonderful gifts for nothing. However the singer in this song appears to it is in laboring under the delusion that to get elegant presents, she needs to sleep through him?


97. “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.” One of my chatters correctly describes this together a song around how differently-abled human being are bullied till the mechanism finds a method to exploit them for profit. The only good thing around this tune is that Rudolph is a reindeer v a civilization name, and all the various other reindeer have dog names. Prancer, Blitzen, Dancer!


96. “Silver Bells.” I don’t like Christmas songs v onomatopoeia of any type of kind. Just play the dang instrument; don’t have a person being sitting over there going RING-A-LING favor a moron.


95. “Carol of the Bells.” OK, here’s one more thing ns dislike: song that would be good if lock didn’t have words but instead we placed words in them. This carol reminds me of that time in the 1970s once they chose that all movie template songs had actually to have lyrics, therefore “The Godfather” theme obtained the native “Speak softly, love, so no one hears us but the sky!” (Yeegh.) “Carol that the Bells” typifies the worst excesses that this approach: “Hark just how the bells! Sweet silver- bells!” and that is before you also get to the DING-DONGs.


93. “The squirrel Song.” This tune is draft to it is in annoying, but, unlike various other songs draft to it is in annoying, it succeeds in turning me versus it. It is the voices, i think.


91. “Little Saint Nick.” You know, I must like this song. Yes sir something frustrating in not liking something that is entirely comprised of contents you like. “Will they execute anything to do it sound favor anything other than a regular Beach guys song? certain not!” My i can not qualify to enjoy this frustrates me more and more with each listen.


90. “Wonderful Christmastime.” This song renders me annoyed. That sounds prefer something that would be immediately generated if friend said, “Alexa, sing me a Christmas song,” from the weird synths come the gratuitous mentions that children. Also, it consists of DING-DONGs. Just use a dang bell! ns am difficult to my principle that any kind of song through DING-DONG in it belongs at or near the bottom of this list.


89. “Hallelujah.” How walk this song get on the list? ns listened to it wondering when it would certainly start mentioning Jesus or altering the lyrics in any means to do it also vaguely Christmas-appropriate, however it simply … didn’t? good song, optimal 2 top top the “Shrek" soundtrack however shouldn’t be included on Christmas lists.


88. “Do They know It’s Christmas?” I to be confident that in the previous 30 years of griping, someone must have explained this as “If Toto’s ‘Africa’ were a Christmas song,” and also I have nothing come add.


87. “Frosty the Snowman.” This snowman is trying to lure youngsters into the street! This snowman has actually no regard for public safety! he is going to melt; the doesn’t treatment whether the children stop because that the traffic! Also, this song contains onomatopoeia where no onomatopoeia is necessary. THUMPITY-THUMP-THUMP? WHAT IS FROSTY’S method OF LOCOMOTION THAT reasons THIS TO be THE SOUND he MAKES? NO to sing THE NOISES points MAKE. THIS IS FINAL.


86. “Where are You, Christmas?” “Marco?” *jingle* “Marco?" *jingle* This sounds prefer the ill-advised 11 o’clock number from a phase adaptation that a Hallmark movie, and not in a great way.


84. The One song From Trans-Siberian Orchestra. There room two song from Trans-Siberian Orchestra. One is good; the various other is vile. This is the vile one, i beg your pardon is some kids sing rash Christmas lyrics to Pachelbel’s Canon in D for no discernible reason.


83. “Mary, Did friend Know?” This track sounds together though we’re badgering the witness. “Mary, go you recognize that her baby boy is mr of every creation? Mary, go you know that your baby boy would certainly one day preeminence the nations? Mary, did you know? Mary, did girlfriend know? naught FURTHER, her HONOR!”


82. “The Twelve job of Christmas.” ns have likewise recorded my wild distaste because that this song. That cumulative affect is nightmarish, and it reflects wanton neglect for avian life.


81. “The Christmas Shoes.” full disclosure, I have actually heard this in the wild on the radio maybe twice at most and had to look for it out explicitly since everyone said it was so bad. However it really is bad. Patton Oswalt has defined why.


COLUMN: never baked holiday cookies. Never been caroling. Why friend shouldn"t feel guilty for skipping holiday traditions. »

80. “Christmas Time Is Here.” I feeling strongly the the significance of Charlie Brown is premature birth existential despair and also world weariness, and both this song and the holiday special offer you one inaccurate idea the the Charlie Brown proportion of despair come maudlin moments of transcendence. Climate again, there’s a kind of evocative melancholy in this tune that’s make me remorse placing it here, scores the slots below “Dominick the Donkey.” Eh, it’s most likely fine.


79. “I Heard the Bells ~ above Christmas Day.” The narrator of this song is the human being who dominates your MFA class. “I heard the bells top top Christmas Day,” he speak us, “and then ns was like, ‘It’s for this reason wild that us sing peace on earth when, actually, over there isn’t tranquility on earth?’ ” no a huge fan that this. Bah, humbug!


77. “Hark! the Herald Angels Sing.” Hang on, this is a great song. I’m not certain what this is act so low on the list. Ns think the difficulty is that whenever it comes on the radio, the sung by children. But I love a great admonition come hark. Ns so seldom obtain told come hark, and it’s nice come remember come hark every now and again.


76. “Children, Go whereby I Send Thee.” I should, by rights, love a song that sounds as though it is sung by a fairy-tale villain yelling orders at children, yet it’s simply so repetitive.


75. “One an ext Sleep "Til Christmas.” This is objectively a great song! it belongs greater on the list. No, something is not correct here. Ns am walking to move it.


74. “I Farted ~ above Santa’s Lap (Now Christmas Is Gonna Stink because that Me).” I’m walking to it is in honest. Once I began this list, I had actually the idea that there were quickly 100 i can identify Christmas songs that would easily jump come mind, yet that has actually not turned out to be the case, and it is really becoming noticeable toward the center of the list right here. Wow, I hate this song. And also I love songs around farting!


73. “I want A Hippopotamus for Christmas.” complete disclosure, I have actually never actually heard this song, however I assume it can’t be better than the 73rd-best Christmas song ever before written. How might it be?


72. “Ding Dong, Ding Dong” through George Harrison. This song somehow lasts about four minutes, has nothing come say and also includes words DING-DONG. Give thanks to you, next!


71. “Monster’s Holiday.” This track is fine. It’s “Monster Mash,” but with periodic jingling! i’m tired.


70. “Pretty Paper.” ns don’t expropriate the premise the this song. Blue wrapping file is fine. It’s a thoughtful shade to plunder Hanukkah gifts, even! Cheer up, guy.


68. “There Is No Christmas favor A house Christmas.” Be careful: If the battle on Christmas it s okay its way, this tune will be changed to "There’s No location Like residence for the Holidays” and also all references to it will certainly disappear forever. I’m no happy about it either, yet Sean Hannity claims it’s the law.


67. “Up on the Housetop.” When did us arrive in ~ the agreement that reindeer make the sound click? Did part guy have a huge cockroach on his roof and everyone in his life made decision to tell the it was reindeer till it went away since he had a weak heart and also they didn’t want to alarm him? Admittedly, I have actually not spent lot time roughly reindeer, yet from what I can glean, they it seems ~ hardy, weather-resistant beasts that make noises such as gumph and also snort and at many go thumpity-thump once they land. Oh, no, below I am doing onomatopoeia. I have become the really monster I collection out to defeat.


66. “What room You Doing new Year"s Eve?” I prefer this tune for people who schedule things in advancement but not too far in advance.


65. “Bring a Torch, Jeannette, Isabella.” This track is fine. I constantly thought Jeannette Isabella to be someone’s complete name. Ordering people with lengthy names to bring light while urgently shouting compliments is one aesthetic i can get behind!


64. “Toyland.” I don’t understand that this is the 64th-best Christmas song ever written, but it’s definitely not the 63rd-best.


63. “Lo, just how A increased E’er Blooming.” Props because that saying “lo!” This all at once manages to have actually no real tune and also to get instantly stuck in your head.


62. “Coventry Carol.” Which carol are witches most most likely to sing to your festive pine? A COVEN TREE CAROL! all right! i forget i m sorry one this is.


61. “The Holly and the Ivy.” This is a fine song! Love to sing around the rising of the sun and the running of the deer.


59. “Go, Tell the on the Mountain.” This is the finest Christmas tune that is additionally a novel by James Baldwin.


58. “Hard liquid Christmas.” Dolly Parton sings this! This need to be higher, however I’ve live my life in together a way that I’ve developed no attachments to it. This is not choose “Little Saint Nick." This is the musical equivalent of “The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel”: i think ns would most likely like the if I engaged with it, ns bet! appears on brand!


57. “I Saw 3 Ships.” This is fine! that not around Columbus, right? God, ns hope it’s not around Columbus.


56. “Christmas Time (Is below Again).” I love how couple of notes and also words this track has! and it’s not ashamed. It need to be ashamed, yet it isn’t! It’s virtually mesmerizing. The like, is there going to be much more to this song? It can not possibly simply be… this, but for several whole minutes, can it? yet no, there’s nothing! prefer a festively decorated tree, this song has balls!


55. “What boy Is This?” This tune is a great example of how marvel and also awe can additionally sound choose someone misplaced a child. Also, props to Henry VIII for the tune.


54. “We require a small Christmas.” This should be higher, but can we admit, now, the this is simply “It takes A Woman” from “Hello, Dolly!” v Christmas lyrics? “It bring away A Woman” is a great song, though.


53. “Nuttin’ for Christmas.” I to be honestly stunned I have placed this so high. Something is the issue with this list, and also I am no sure how to settle it.


52. “Ding Dong Merrily ~ above High.” I have to hate this song, however I type of love it? ns apologize. My hard-line view on bell sounds has proved incorrect.


51. “Holly Jolly Christmas.” This track is trying as well hard. “Oh, by golly, have a holly, jolly Christmas”? Who room you, James B. Comey? Also, ns am not certain I want to have a holly, jolly Christmas! it sounds choose something you say come warn her coworkers at the office party no to go close to Bob, who is a small holly-jolly tonight.


50. “Baby, the Cold Outside.” I have made decision to do this track the midpoint the the list due to the fact that the backlash has been for this reason thorough the no joke-stones have been left unturned wherein it is concerned. It’s a gross song, yet at least it rhymes, and it does not include any kind of onomatopoetic bells. But, look, 2014 to be right, or every little thing stunningly current year the was that we known that this song was an extremely much no romantic. Say thanks to you for her service, 2014.


49. “(There’s No ar Like Home) for the Holidays.” I like that this is an entire song dedicated to selling you top top the concept of going home for the holidays. This song both goes as well hard and also not hard enough. It suggests you will certainly be “happy in a million ways” as soon as you go home (this is simply objectively incorrect, also if you do like her family) and also then mentions the traffic. Pick one, song.


48. “In the bleak Midwinter.” This tune is extra, and also I prefer that it is extra. “In the cold MIDWINTER, FROSTY WIND made MOAN!” This is something i would have actually listened come in high school and felt seen.


47. “I great It can Be Christmas Every Day.” This is a an excellent song! I prefer this song. Not getting to hear this top top a constant basis as soon as the season arrives is probably the second or third worst thing around not still being affiliated with England, after the totality no-health-insurance-for-some/no-monarchy-for-others thing.


45. “One an ext Sleep "Til Christmas.” I moved it here! I solved it! currently I simply need come go earlier to the optimal of the list and think of another song that I hate so this will not be listed twice. If the is still there, understand that i failed. Call my family members I love them. I will leave my rival’s ax in ~ the summit.


44. “Silent Night.” any kind of song that regulated to bridge the gap in between the armies during civilization War ns deserves come be higher than 44th on this list, yet in fairness, it only did it once.


42. “All I desire For Christmas Is My 2 Front Teeth.” This is annoying! i don’t understand why I placed it above “Silent Night.” i think mine methodology is broken.


41. “O Come, every Ye Faithful.” You deserve to sing this together though it includes the word “lettuce,” and no one will notification or stop you.


40. “The Red Baron Song.” This places surprisingly high, provided my feelings around the various other Peanuts contributions. Yet I prefer it!


38. “I"ll Be residence for Christmas.” This used to it is in a lot much more poignant prior to air travel was for this reason widespread and also cheap.


36. “O holy Night.” I to be a small uneasy ranking spiritual songs on a list such together this, however this is a lovely item of music.


35. “Jingle Bell Rock.” The only objection to this song is that it does not remotely resemble rock, however I prefer its hustle!


34. “Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays (*NSYNC).” I great this track were better, yet I am still placing it below to support the addition of new songs to the canon. Ns am sure if i listened come it much more times, ns would flourish fond that it!


32. “Away in a Manger.” The two tunes that this track are the GIF/GIF the the pre-internet era. Just one is correct.


32. "What Christmas means to Me.” just Stevie Wonder can turn a list of Christmas-related search terms right into a bop.


31. “Run Rudolph Run.” I prefer this song! ns don’t prefer “Little Saint Nick.” ns can’t say why. I think I like songs that space admonitions.


30. “Last Christmas.” I am ranking this higher than it deserves simply since it is not from the ’50s, and also I uncover that a very delicious relief. But the track is bad, and also the words space bad. Other than that, the is fine.


28. “Christmas (Baby please Come Home).” I choose the contrast between the generic track title and also its strangely immediate subtitle, which go persist transparent the song. It’s favor if you had a song dubbed “Hanukkah (Son, If You deserve to Hear This, ns Forgive You)” or “Easter (We room Surrounded).”


26. “Jingle Bells.” This is fine. You would think with a location such as this the would encompass a lot more DINGing and DONGing and also RING-A-LINGing, however it doesn’t! the is this admirable restraint that has placed it so high on this list.


25. That various other Song indigenous The Trans-Siberian Orchestra. This is the one ns really like! yet I always get the title confused. This one is an excellent and type of steel with guitars, and it gets supplied a lot when people construct elaborate the end lighting display screens to anger and also impress your neighbors.


24. “Sleigh Ride.” Surprisingly wholesome because that a song that includes whip noises and also a horse neighing.


23. “The very first Noel.” What English playwright and wit was terrified that Christmas? Noel Coward! Look, we’re just 22 songs from the end. Also, I favor this song! that fine.


22. “Let the Snow! Let it Snow! Let it Snow!” I favor this song. Ns mean, i shouldn’t. It is needlessly repetitive. But it is also jolly, and also the rhymes work. I also like the it is a third-person imperative. I once made a playlist entirely of songs in the third-person imperative, and this tune was ~ above it.


21. “Grandma gained Run over by a Reindeer.” I actually favor the track of this song. It’s sort of folksy. And although the events the words define are tragic, the song is so bouncy that you feel that ultimately the bereaved grandfather and grandson room in a much better place now.


20. “Happy Xmas (War Is Over).” This tune is too much, but it is too much in a way I like. I like the part at the end that is just children going, “AAAAAAAA! war IS OVER! AAAAAAAA!”


17. “God remainder Ye merry Gentlemen.” This track is a banger! dislike to it is in dismayed, love to be rested and also merry!


16. “The Christmas track (Chestnuts Roasting on an open up Fire).” Like “It’s The most Wonderful Time of the Year” or “Jingle Bells,” this song could additionally be called “Things That room No Longer common Features the Christmas.”


15. “Christmas Is the time to Say i Love You.” I wish we sang this song, by Billy Squier, an ext often! Recently, ns was trying come remember the surname of this song, and I learned that it is difficult to uncover a Christmas tune on the net if all you deserve to remember is that it consisted of the lyric “Santa (somethings) his reindeer through the night.” however it is here, and you should listen come it!


14. “Blue Christmas.” This is also high ~ above the list. I am just putting that here due to the fact that I like the woman in the background walking “WOO-HOO-HOO-HOOoooo” at any time Elvis claims “blue.”


13. “Mele Kalikimaka.” This track is great! and so useful for setting an ambiguous vacation mood in period films or TV shows.


12. “Feliz Navidad.” This song provides me feel together though i am learning and singing in ~ the very same time! the doesn’t have actually too plenty of lyrics, however unlike many Christmas songs that count on repetition, you great it went on much longer rather than shorter.


11. “Walking in a Winter Wonderland.” I favor this song. It to know its place. I prefer that the snowman is just a passive participant in the elaborate commitment games of the singers.


10. “It’s beginning to look a Lot prefer Christmas.” You know what? This track is fine. The fine. I favor this song due to the fact that I deserve to whistle it! except that, ns like exactly how noncommittal it is. “What carry out you think the Christmas?" “It’s start to look a lot favor Christmas," this human diplomatically replies. It additionally is appropriate starting in, like, October.


9. “Santa Claus is comes to Town.” But just the variation by Joseph Spence. This is the treatment the tune needed. Forget it, Bruce.


8. “It’s the most Wonderful Time that the Year.” This song must not it is in this high on the list, and also I apologize. However I love holiday songs the list, as totally expected aspects of the holiday, things that space no longer consisted of in most celebrations, so i am really pro the insistence the every Christmas contains “scary ghost stories.” because that the record, the only Yuletide ghost story I can think of, “A Christmas Carol,” is no scary.


7. “Deck the Halls.” FA LA LA LA LA, LA LA LA LA! This is a good song. It includes the native “jolly” and also the admonitions come “be jolly” and also “don happy apparel.” much more people should be admonished to don things and also be jolly, and I choose that around 90 percent of that is words LA.


5. “Dominick the Donkey.” Jiggity-jig! Hee haw! Hee haw! now I am start to view that over there is a problem with this list, i beg your pardon is that my taste is very solid and an extremely bad, but I really favor this song around a donkey. Ns love, together a genre, song that try very tough to make a new seasonal number happen. This track was like, “I check out you, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, and also I raise you!” these songs always create a problem for their character come solve, or some magic, and also I love, too, just how prosaic the problem is that Dominick resolves: The reindeer can’t perform hills! no a many Christmas songs deserve to pull turn off what “Dominick the Donkey” does. Ns am all in on “Dominick the Donkey.”


4. “Have yourself a Merry small Christmas.” This track has always read together passive-aggressive come me, and I discover that enjoyable.


3. “Underneath the Tree.” I great we lived in a human being where one of our biggest complaints, as a society, was the no song because “All I desire for Christmas Is You” has actually been included to the Christmas canon. This have to be a big complaint! ns think “Underneath the Tree” deserves to be included to the canon. 3 reasons: Kelly Clarkson is great; it hits every the Christmas bases in a quick, efficient list (“You’re here, wherein you need to be/ eye is falling, and also the carolers sing. … Presents, such a beautiful sight!”); and also it slaps! permit it into the canon!


2. “You’re a median One, Mr. Grinch.” My spouse disagrees the the track of this song is good. He claims it is also whimsical. Unlike various other holiday songs, which room saccharine at best and also lachrymose at worst, “You’re a typical One, Mr. Grinch” is simply a man encountering insult after insult from a deep bass voice v no recommendation to Christmas whatsoever. The is a welcome reprieve. I am exactly to put it here.

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1. “Good King Wenceslas.” This is a good song. I never tire the hearing around the just semi-impressive good deeds the this medieval monarch. That made the sod contempt warm! Hooray! an excellent for you, King Wenceslas! all the rhymes job! Every indigenous is satisfying come sing! WENCESLAS! on THE FEAST the STEPHEN! DEEP and also CRISP and also EVEN! What a rollicking, hearty song. Wenceslas! all songs must be prefer this. Ns wish we sang this tune year-round.


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Chicago is overdue for its an initial snowfall accumulation, so what are the opportunities of a white Christmas?