Tom’s fantasy trilogy Metiks Fade debuted through Anna Undreaming in 2018. Part 2, Anna and the Moonlight roadway is out now. Tom additionally has some short stories in publication, and also has winner a pair of short story prizes. He is the lead writer and narrative designer in ~ Ion Lands and also is functioning on CloudPunk.

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Imagine a time traveller that the HG Well’s selection – a well dressed, refined Gentleman through a proud moustache and also a spiffing height hat – showing up in the modern-day world. Imagine the very first place he materialised was an secret club the played exclusively dubstep and also drum and also bass tunez. “My Word!”, he may exclaim as the booty shaking and grinding that the girls in their underwear caused his monocle to fall out in a comical fashion.


This perplexed reaction is specifically the same method I feel about all music released since 1998. In other words, i am hopelessly the end of touch with modern-day music culture. Nonetheless, ns shall shot my finest to parse each lyrical heat of another contemporary chart hit to make feeling of it for you (the modern youngster) and also me (the anachronistic relic from the past).


If friend wanna gain with me There’s some things you gotta know I like my win fast and my bass down lowI think I gain this. If I want to “get” v you (I i think this means have sex with you) climate you need a specific soundtrack. You require rapid beats and a low level the base before you will take into consideration taking our relationship any further. I execute not think ns shall be pursuing this option, together you appear to believe wearing sunglasses in doors is acceptable and also I could never date a woman who thought this.

Ba-ba-bass, bass, bass down low Bass, bass, bass under low I, I, I choose my to win fast and also my bass under lowAfter a fairly promising and moderately comprehensible beginning, you are currently repeating yourself. I understand this is essential in run music, for this reason shall enable it.

Bass, bass down low Bass, bass, bass down low I, I, I like my beats fast and also my bass down lowYes yes, the graphic equalizer has been adjusted to accommodate your musical requirements, lets move on.

It’s choose one, two, three, f-ck it I’m bout to take this drink and just ingredient itThat’s some seriously unambitious counting appropriate there. Nobody expects you to counting to a thousand in a song, however up to 3 then you give up? “One, two, three….Ah, crap it! i can’t be supposed to count previous that!”. And would it have been so negative to speak you to be going to “take this drink” and maybe, friend know, “drink it”? carry out you need to “stuff” it. I have never explained consuming any food or drink as “stuffing it”. Because that example, if who asked what taken place to the critical of the nesquik coco milk, i wouldn’t to speak I had actually “stuffed it”. Castle would much more than likely ask me “where?” and possibly also “what the posesthe is wrong with you?”.

Fish tank this thing together with four more shots that Patron I offer a fuck about going homeSo you’re going to take it the initial drink the you took upwards that 3 seconds to consume (stuff) and have second 4 shots? i don’t know what “fish tanking” means. I intend I can go to the urban dictionary, where I could read about how it way five different species of violent, misogynistic sexual practices men usage to humiliate and degrade women. I could additionally just take it literally and imagine small fish in shoot glasses, swimming in drunken circles, thinking every five seconds “I dislike this song, I hate this song, I dislike this song”.

Additionally, if girlfriend “give a fuck” then you presumable care around something. In this case, if friend “give a fuck around going home” climate you actually desire to go home. Well fuck off house then!

Straight buzzin RobotussinHow wonderful! A referral to a cough medication used by the poorest members of society and the many down-and-out alcoholics and addicts to acquire high. Nothing claims a party favor substance abuse that the most depressing sort imaginable. Ns hope Dev’s following song is around glue sniffing and self harm. That’ll it is in bitchin’!

Wanna gain ya mitts in my ovenNow when you use a metaphor that supplies the word “in” you’re in trouble. Once you’re talking around being “in” someone, there’s only one way to construe what you’re trying to say. Meanwhile, mitts seems choose a clear method of saying hands, so this line seems to ask if you desire to…..well pardon me for being crude, yet this line asks if you want to placed your hands into someone. Right into their special place….their oven…..where buns go.

Wanna get a lick of this lovin G-g-g-get a lick that this lovinWow, its practically nice to get some evident sexual imagery rather than all these torturous cooking metaphors!

Yeah, I prefer it loud and I’ll do you shoutI guess if you stuck her “mitts” right into what turned the end to be an actual oven you can shout, whether you were lovin lickin or not.

G-give friend that black color Eyed Peas You know that boom Boom PowYou walk not! Noooo! Fuuuuuuucccckkkkkkkkk!!!!The black color Eyed Peas can be the worst point to happen to the world because exploding baby suicide bombers, yet even worse 보다 BEING lock is discussing them? This suggests that girlfriend ASPIRE to be prefer the black Eyed Peas. That’s the ultimate instance of setup the bar low. If you target to accomplish the same quality of music as the black color Eyed Peas, you worthy no mercy. An eternity of torture by Jack Bauer is too good for you.

It’s prefer one, two, three, okay have the right to I obtain a little Goose in my OJ?At least Dev is much less grumpy about counting to three now. Together for goose in your OJ? also easy…

Everyday feel prefer my birthday and we sip champagne when we thirstyTerrible, woeful rhyming aside, this heat is simply not true. No one drink champagne as soon as their thirsty. Guests drink it at weddings and rappers and also middle course women drink it due to the fact that they think that is what millionaires do. Imagine a tough session in the gym. Perform you take a deserve to of champagne from the drink machine? execute villagers in dessert communities in Afrcia scream the end for Cristal as soon as their well runs dry?

Quit fronting why yo husband Tryna gain his mitts in mine ovenApparently a married guy is do the efforts to placed his hand in a women vagina.

Wanna get a lick the this lovin G-g-g-get a lick the this lovinWell avoid singing around it and also call the police top top this evident sex offender.

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Yeah, I like it loud and I’ll make you shout G-give girlfriend that black color Eyed PeasYou understand that boom Boom PowAnd exactly how are castle going to offer us black Eyed Peas exactly?

I acquired a concern for youYes

Do you favor it as soon as I flow?When you…..?

I acquired a question for youYes

Do you favor it as soon as I flow?I don’t even…..?

With mine bass under lowOh I acquire it. The question was rhetorical, right? room you listening come me?

La la la la La la la la La la la la La la la la La la la la La la la la La la la la La la la laSo that’s a no then.